Shiluv Institute

"As a family moves through the life cycle and the parent generation ages, previous expectations of children of their parents and parents of children of necessity must change as the strength of the parents' generation wanes and their children now stand at the helm. How this transition occurs is a major factor in determining how this family will live out the final chapter of the elderly parents' lives. It will impact as well on the adult children's attitute toward themselves and their own process of aging. A third generation is also part of this drama, although often silent. What are the grandchildren learning as to how parents are treated when they nor longer " service" their families as they once did.

Can the generations talk to each other? Can they look squarely at who they are, who the other family members are? Can they accept themselves and appreciate roads taken? What has brought people joy, satisfaction, disappointment and despair. It is a major challenge and a major milestone in the life of a family." Debby Porten, May 2006


"The Circle of Life" is a cross-generational project that was initiated by Debby Porten, one of our senior therapists, a supervisor and Shiluv's clinical coordinator for the past 4 years and approved by the Board of Directors. Together with Debby, a small team of our staff has begun exploring the fascinating dynamics of aging parents (70+) and their adult children (45+) from a family therapy perspective. We have already done over 60 hours of interviews.

What are the goals of the project? We hope to make a short documentary film that will open this topic to the population at large. In addition, we plan on putting together a workshop package that can be used by professionals working with the elderly that will engage their adult children in a different way.

Who are the members of the team? In addition to being family therapists, all of us are grandparents and parents, and some of us are still "children". So yes, we ask ourselves the same questions and grapple with the same issues that we are exploring with others, e.g.:

1. How did your children relate to you over the years-as children, as young adults, as parents and today?
2. How did you relate to your children over the years?
3. Have their been significant changes recently?
4. How do you deal with these changes both emotionally and on a functioning level?

Whom have we interviewed and what was the response? The interviews included family members, friends, friends of friends, contacts and colleagues through the work at Shiluv and complete strangers. Both the aging parents and the children were intrigued by the idea of an interview. For some aging parents, the interview provided an opportunity to open their hearts and discuss issues that were weighing on them. We frequently heard, "I'm not sure how much my children want to hear what I have to say today." Sometimes the responses were tenuous and when we questioned that, the interviewee needed to be reassured that his parent/child would not be privy to what was said. Some interviewees reported that when they told their family about the project, it opened up an interesting discussion at a family dinner.

What is the next stage of the project? We are beginning to run family interviews-bringing together both the aging parent and his/her/their adult children. Once the framework of the interview has been finely honed, we will begin making the documentary.

This project is another example of Shiluv's commitment to take an in-depth look at the family and contribute to the family's well-being. We ask you to support the "Circle of Life" project and would be delighted to have you share your thoughts and ideas with us.

U.S. tax-deductible contributions for Shiluv can be made through: P.E.F. Israel Endowment Funds 317 Madison Ave.Suite 607,  N.Y., N.Y. 10017    or directly to:   SHILUV  6 Halevanon St.,   P.O.B. 6343,   Jerusalem 91062,  Israel.  Telephone: 02-6251390  Fax: 02-6250666